Nine months have passed, and I completed my first year as a college student. The specific experiences of that journey are too numerous to detail in a mere blog. It was amazing. It was heartbreaking. It was new. It was breathtaking. It was the most freedom I have ever experienced in my eighteen years of life. It was so many things, and it happened so fast. While I can recall specific events and look back on so many memories, I stand here in the present feeling like my first year was a blur. It came and then it went. College is such an interesting time of your life.
To my high school friends that are nearing graduation, or continuing onto their next semester: cherish the time you have. You’ll miss it. I miss it. Shit.
I lack structure and coherency, please excuse me.
In another three months, I’ll be back across the country for round two, and before I know it, I’ll be reflecting on the nine months after that thinking of how fast everything went. This process will continue and eventually I’ll find myself sitting on the Great Lawn waiting for my name to be called, sweating my ass off in a cap and gown. I’ll be done. And then…nothing. I cannot imagine what happens afterwards. It’s a black screen. College is over in heartbeat, yet there’s still so much more after that. Where do you begin?
I refuse to be a failure. I don’t want to be poor. I want to be married, with a career, with a job, with a future, with children, with a home, with investments, with security, with money. How does one accomplish such things?
My heart pounds in anxiety. I fear what lies beyond.
The time that I thought I had, isn’t nearly enough. I can no longer hesitate or waste time. I have to accomplish what I need to do, before I realize that I waited too long. I have a life to live after college. I have to set myself up for it. I have to somehow face this unknown future with the confidence that it will be bright.
WHETHER THE WEATHER, WE WILL WEATHER IT TOGETHER! I’m so far past delusional right now. Sick post #2, without the profanity: I’m sick. Boo.
OKAY SERIOUSLY NOW. ST. JOHN’S. YOU. CAN. SUCK. MY. DICK.
IT’S A FUCKING WEEK BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS AGAIN AND YOU DECIDE TO CANCEL MY CALCULUS CLASS. THEN WHEN I DECIDE TO CALL MY FUCKING ADVISOR, YOU GIVE ME ALL THIS BULLSHIT ABOUT NOT HAVING MY COMPUTER ON ME. WELL FUCK YOU. YOU GIVE ME A SHITTY LENOVO WITH A CD DRIVE THAT KEEPS FUCKING FALLING OUT AND THEN YOU FLIP THE SITUATION AS IF ITS MY FAULT MY CALCULUS CLASS GOT CANCELED. WELL BITCH. IF I HAD THE CHOICE I WOULDN’T BOTHER TAKING THAT CLASS. YOU FORCED ME INTO IT SAYING “THIS IS THE SPECIFIC CALCULUS CLASS YOU NEED TO TAKE AS AN ACT SCI MAJOR” WELL FUCK YOU!
I HAVE HAD IT! I DIDN’T WANT TO TAKE THAT CLASS. I DIDN’T. NOW I’M SITTING HERE WAITING FOR MY FUCKING ADVISOR TO CALL ME FUCKING BACK. JUST SO I CAN TELL HIM. WAIT. LET’S CHANGE UP MY WHOLE SCHEDULE. SO I CAN FUCKING TAKE THIS MATH CLASS. WITH SOME CHINESE GUY WITH A FUCKING THICK ASS ACCENT.
FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.
JUST TO SPITE YOU ALL I’M GOING TO BECOME THE GREATEST ACTUARY IN THE WORLD, AND THEN I’M GOING TO BUY ST. JOHN’S UNIVERSITY, AND THEN I’M GOING TO MAKE ST. JOHN’S HAVE THE FUCKING BEST MATH DEPARTMENT IN THE WORLD. THE BEST. SO THAT NO ONE ELSE HAS TO EXPERIENCE THIS COMPLETE AND UTTER FUCKERY THAT IS REGISTERING FOR THEIR GODAMN UNIVERSITY CALCULUS II CLASS. FUCK YOUR SHIT ST. JOHN’S.
I AM RAGING RIGHT NOW….DO YOU UNDERSTAND. HOW YOU. UGH. I SHOULDN’T EVEN. I AM TAKING THIS OPPORTUNITY TO CHANGE MY ENTIRE SCHEDULE…AND I’M GETTING A BETTER PROFESSOR…AND TWO DAYS OFF…IF THIS ALL WORKS SUCCESSFULLY. IF. IF. IF. IF. I PRAY IT DOES. I WANT SPEECH WITH PITILLI. WAH!
I don’t want to ruin this. I don’t want to ruin this feeling. But the reality of the situation is that I am plagued by my ability to ruin something good by over thinking everything. I’m basically fucked from the start.
That’s just how I am, and I feel like the only thing I can do is pray I don’t get misunderstood. I HAVE BUTTERFLIES IN MY STOMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACH!!!
I HAVE TO USE CAPITAL LETTERS TO EMPHASIZE MY EXCITEMENT~*~*~ LOOK AT THE ASTERISKS AND THE TILDES. THIS AIN’T NO GAME. I HAVEN’T FELT THIS WAY IN A LOOOOOOOOOONG TIME.
~*~*~*~* HAVE SOME SPARKLES NIGGA. ~*~*~*~*~**~~* YOU NEED SOME SPARKLES BITCH
Yeah so I just ruined a post I had intended to be very meaningful. You only live once and maybe my feelings are wrong and I haven’t sorted everything out and this could be reckless but that’s just how it’s going to be I guess.
