DAZED AND CONFUSED

and I intend on keeping my end of the bargain.

I sincerely do apologize for whatever turmoil I have caused you. I don’t mean to come off as some horribly unemotional creature that couldn’t care less about your existence. I was under the impression that you and I were cool. You approached me about whether or not we had any animosity towards each other, and things were cleared up. You were over me and I was over you. I cared about you because you were such an important part of my life for so long. I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t with you. I don’t know what it’s like to be with another person, and to be honest, I am scared to find out. I thought we could be friends. I really did. I really thought we could take what happened between us and let it be something kept in the past.

I thought we could both learn from our relationship. I thought things would be fine if we saw each other again. It could be like old friends seeing each other after a long time. That’s what I thought we could be: old friends.

However, I’m not so sure any more. I don’t think you’re ready for that, and I don’t think I want to deal with that. I don’t want you calling me drunk, and yelling at me for not having any lingering romantic feelings. What do you want me to say? Rather, what do you want me to do?! I can’t keep answering the phone only to be painted the bad guy. I know what I did was wrong. I did a really horrible, and bitchy thing. I did many horrible things in the time that we were together. I know I did. But don’t you dare act like you were a saint. I REALLY REALLY HOPED, that we could just let all those things be kept in the past and not get in the way of the friendship I’ve been trying to salvage. I guess not.

I talked to you still, because I thought, by you approaching me about it, we were over this. We could be friends, we could talk like we used to. You were practically my best friend. You knew everything about me. We could talk about anything, but I don’t get it anymore.

Please don’t call me like you deserve to be answered. Don’t text me if you’re going to yell at me later. Don’t bother talking to me only to tell me not to ever talk to you again.